Monday, July 27, 2015

Project Rosy

It's serious when I jump out of bed, drink my water (I always keep a glass bottle filled with water by my bedside), and take my measurements. You know measuring my belly, arms, thighs, and hips. I have always struggled with motivating myself to exercise consistently. And I go through spells of eating crap. Otherwise, I'm a poster child for clean and healthy eating.

I have decided that today is it. I had it. A new adventure is starting for me! Project Rosy!
That's right, I have been reading how your most important project will always be yourself. So, I'm jumping right on it. It took me a little over 90 days to quit biting my nails. So, I know that in order to form a great habit or discontinue a bad one, I need to invest some serious time.

And I'm ready. I'm ready to change my thinking to feel great about myself inside and out.

Project Rosy - Part 1

Starting today, July 27th, I promise to invest time to do the following:

1. Meditate (I practice Transcendental Meditation). Sadly, I haven't been consistent with it.
2. Drink Water, at least 1 to 2 cups as follows:
    a. As soon as, I jump out of bed.
    b. Right before I shower.
    c. During and after exercise.
    d. 30 minutes before meals.
3. Read at least two chapters a day. Sadly, I have been struggling with reading consistently.
4. Exercise for at least 30 minutes a day.

I know that there is more to be done but I don't want to overwhelm myself. This is a good start. My goal is to continue to add to the list.

Project Rosy has begun! Cheers!

Friday, December 6, 2013

"...Because of Department Changes, Your Position Has Been Eliminated..." How I found a blessing behind those words

TGIF, it's 11/15/2013... I was beyond excited. It was my last day before my two week vacation. I had many plans. I even stayed after work to clean up and rearrange my desk. I wanted my space to look pretty. Vacation, here I come. The weekend was awesome, two days of fun and knowing that come Monday no alarm at 4:15 a.m. My vacation is going to be a grand adventure. I just didn't know how big of an adventure it was going to be...

The day was Tuesday, 11/19/2013. At 8:35 a.m., I get a call from my boss and the VP. I knew something had happened and my life would change. Why would these two call me on my vacation? Well, all I hear is, "...Because of Department Changes, Your Position Has Been Eliminated..." Then, I hear, "the company is thankful for all your hard work..." After that, I do not remember the rest of the pre-written speech. Then suddenly there was silence, I simply said, "Okay." Seriously, what could I say, NADA. I asked if I can drive up to return the laptop and pack up my desk. My, now, ex-boss asked the VP if that was okay? VP replied with, "yes, that is fine."

As I got ready to make that final drive in, I was surprised that I wasn't sad, upset, angry, no emotion at all. I got to thinking, perhaps I'm in shock. No tears, I texted a few friends and told them what had happened. I even spoke to one, my voice was fine. I wasn't shaking with fear, wasn't talking with tears in my voice, again NADA. My friends were more emotional than I was...

As I got to the building, I called my, now, ex-boss to tell her I was in the lobby of  the building. I didn't dare use my badge for fear it wouldn't work. I didn't want to go there. My ex-boss came down and she asked why I wasn't on vacation. I replied, "I am on vacation." "No, I meant why are you here. I thought you were going out of town." I replied, "Yes, I'm driving out of town tonight." I guess she didn't know what to say, again what can you say. We said nothing else. I realized I wasn't upset with her, either. I wasn't upset with the VP. I understand that this is a company and decisions have to be made. The only thing I was upset about is how I was told. Really, you wait until a person is on vacation! AND, that was the end of my emotional rant.

My ex-boss helped me packed. She was packing in lightening speed. I was like wait, I could miss some stuff. She was putting items that belonged to the company. I said, "let me do it, these don't belong to me." I made sure I left everything that didn't belong to me there. I didn't want any of it.
I finished and left. She didn't walk me out. I appreciated that. I saw a couple of coworkers on my way down the stairs. All were more upset than I was. I was seriously questioning why I wasn't more upset about this. After all, it's right before the holidays. I got a few phone numbers and left. As I walked out of the building, I took a deep breath and said to myself out of the blue, "my nightmare is over." I quickly thought to myself, where did that come from...

As I drove away, I kept thinking why would I say, "my nightmare is over?" Why? Is it because this wasn't the first time I left this company? Here is the back story...

April 2007, I left this same company, but it was my decision. I was beyond stressed and work wasn't fun. It had become a chore and nightmare. The job was affecting my health, too. I remember one Friday night I had plans, but couldn't leave on time, my, then, boss gave me a project that needed to be done that night. She left for the day, but I was stuck completely the project. Well, I finished it two hours later. I was grateful that I knew friends that could help me with information. But, as I walked out of the building, my left arm was numb, my left eye was twitching, my head was ready to explode, and I was experiencing blurred vision. As I sat in my car, I said, "this is just F*CKED UP! It shouldn't be like this." I started to cry. I was beyond miserable. I was making some good money, but couldn't enjoy it. I was spending money just to spend and still wasn't happy. I was always in a bad mood, was gaining weight fast, and nothing was making me happy. I got home and asked, "God, help me make a decision." I woke up and realized, I had to quit this miserable job. I was going to miss the money, but then again I wasn't saving any of it and wasn't happy with it. So the decision was clear, I wrote my resignation letter and turned it in that Monday. Once the boss acknowledged the letter, I felt free and happy.

June 2009, I needed a job. My money had run out. I got a call from a great friend who said, "send me your resume. I found you a job." The job was back in my old company but in a different area and I wasn't a supervisor (my previous position). I said, "OK!" I was excited, because I truly believe this time, things would be different. As I began working there again, I quickly realized that it was still the same but in different area. OMG! But, hey, I needed the work and needed money so whatever issues I had with it, I quickly brushed them aside. I gained weight, didn't hang out with any of my new coworkers, I felt alone and misunderstood. I wasn't happy once again. I made no attempt to look for another position, because I kept hoping things would change. And it did...

March 4, 2011, my nephew, Jordan, is KIA in Afghanistan. Life takes a new turn. I was depressed and angry. It affected my work. It wasn't a good time at work and, frankly, I didn't care. Thinking back, I was so miserable. It took me over a year and half to get back on track. I still mourn my nephew, I will never get over it, but I have learned a few things to move forward...

July 2013, I decided to start practicing Transcendental Meditation. This after over six months of illness (sinus and a pinched nerve on my neck), I knew that I was allowing the misery of work to once again affect my health. I was a miserable person. Doing TM twice a day opened my eyes to a lot of things. My moods were better, I laughed more, I started to read again, I started to really love sports again, I was eating better, still working on exercising consistently,  I started being my old silly self. I was happy! With my new happy self, I was able to accomplish more at work and learn new things. I was open to anything and everything. I realized that I was bored at work, too. I wanted so much more. I realized that I didn't dress like me, either. I looked terrible, it just wasn't me. And I was excited that I took time and paid attention, FINALLY. I love dressing up, wearing make up, perfume, being girly! TM and Jordan's spirit were helping me move forward in a positive way. I knew I had to make changes, soon. I kept doing my job until 11/19/2013 happened...

The company made that decision for me, I am being forced to change NOW. And that is just fine with me. I am happy. I am not stressing over crap I can't control. I'm grateful for a lot in my life. I am going to be just fine. A new adventure is beginning and I welcome it!

My nightmare was indeed over... Thank goodness for department changes... A blessing for sure.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

One Eye Rosy

There was an organization change at work. No big deal, it happens, I work for a huge company so I understand. I'm learning all sort of new things. That's awesome, keeps my brain flowing.

Almost two weeks ago, daylight savings time kick in. With the organizational and time change, I am  messed up, can't get it together in the mornings. And the funny thing is, I am a morning person. I worry that I'm not catching on as fast as I should, given my experience.

Well, this week took the cake, took it's toll, I drove in to work later than normal and with one eye done. I forgot to apply makeup to my left eye. I didn't even know it. And this after visiting the ladies room several times in the morning. A coworker did ask if I was ok. I think she must have looked at my face and realized something was off. I took a break and went to my car. Before leaving my car, I check my hair and realized, OMG, no make up on the right eye. I quickly went to my desk and pulled out my purse from the drawer. I opened it, only to realize I forgot my makeup bag at home. I sat there and LAUGHED. Why not, I was One Eye Rosy. Goodness, life always finds a way of telling me, "see slow down, it will be just fine."

As I drove home, I started to laugh. Why not, just another crazy adventure for me. Ha-ha!!!

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

The Evil Drink

I'm BACK!!!!!!!!!!!

I started writing this post several months ago. I haven't been in the writing mood for awhile. Work and personal life have sucked the energy out of it. I allowed it, plain and simple. TRUTH!!!

With that said, I have a confession...sigh! It might make you sick to the stomach. Ok, here goes: I'm addicted to DIET COKE! Did you hear the music of guilt? I know, it's bad. I repeat I know it's BAD! I know everything about it is bad. BUT, how I love the burn!

Now that I have spilled the beans about my darn habit, I decided to make a huge change! The Tuesday, a day before Lent (yes, I'm catholic)- the question came up, "what are you going to give up for Lent?" I pondered the question. Most people would say, "I'm going to work on myself -like having more patience, being less judgmental, etc." ME, I try to do those things everyday. So for me, I decided to give up a specific food or drink that has been a thorn on my side for years. A specific food or drink that is just sabotaging my overall wellness - Diet Coke!

This year, I decided this is it. My approach is a bit different. I just stopped cold turkey on Ash Wednesday.
Today is March 6, 2013- NO DIET COKE!  So far, I have discovered that I'm drinking less coffee and more water. I'm not going to bash myself anymore, historically that leads to failure. All I know like everything else, I need to work at it, EVERYDAY!

Next step, I need to work on a consistent exercise program... I'm done for now. Till next time, Cheers to Great Health!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

I Believe In the Good in ME!

When I wake up in the morning, I say to myself, "today is going to be a good day." And I mean it. I want nothing better than to have a great day full of laughter and joy. Most of the time, my days are good.

I have learned that each day is different. I don't fight the change, I flow with it. I see the potential in things. I see the joy in everything- well, I try.

If I have a bad day, I flow with it. I'm trying to see if I can learn from it.

I laugh every day. I remember something funny that was once said either from a friend or from family. I used to feel guilty for laughing on my days filled with sorrow, if that makes any kind of sense. But, now I know that I need to flow with it. If I want to laugh, I will. If I want to cry, I will. If I want to scream, I will.

Why? Because, I believe in the good in me... Thank you Patti Digh.

Monday, July 11, 2011

A Real Nightmare!


But, it's no dream, it's a real nightmare.

It's been 4 months, when will I feel normal again! "Jordan, your Aunt Ana, had a bad day today."

Saturday, June 18, 2011

The Wild Ride of 2011

It's been awhile... It seems that I say this every couple of months. But, like before, if I'm not in the mood to write, then the end result will be CRAP!!!

This year has been a challenge. I'm not ready to share but will soon. All I can say is that 2011 is turning out to be a Wild Ride with many twists, turns and sadness.

I feel that I'm hitting rock bottom. And rock bottom is simply forcing me to face my many fears. No, I'm not homeless or being thrown in jail, nothing that extreme. I'm being force to just face the challenges that life brings. I know I'm being vague, but I need to get this out.
Life is wonderful, fabulous. I'm here so I'm grateful.

June 21st is the beginning of the Summer of 2011. I can't wait. It's my favorite time of year. I love the long days. My hope is that I can use the summer to encourage me to reevaluate my existence in this wonderful, challenging world. The Wild Ride of the Summer is the perfect beginning to free myself.

We never stop learning and changing- this I know for sure! So Viva the Wonderful World of Life! And Cheers to the Summer of 2011.

More to come, so stay turned...