Friday, December 6, 2013

"...Because of Department Changes, Your Position Has Been Eliminated..." How I found a blessing behind those words

TGIF, it's 11/15/2013... I was beyond excited. It was my last day before my two week vacation. I had many plans. I even stayed after work to clean up and rearrange my desk. I wanted my space to look pretty. Vacation, here I come. The weekend was awesome, two days of fun and knowing that come Monday no alarm at 4:15 a.m. My vacation is going to be a grand adventure. I just didn't know how big of an adventure it was going to be...

The day was Tuesday, 11/19/2013. At 8:35 a.m., I get a call from my boss and the VP. I knew something had happened and my life would change. Why would these two call me on my vacation? Well, all I hear is, "...Because of Department Changes, Your Position Has Been Eliminated..." Then, I hear, "the company is thankful for all your hard work..." After that, I do not remember the rest of the pre-written speech. Then suddenly there was silence, I simply said, "Okay." Seriously, what could I say, NADA. I asked if I can drive up to return the laptop and pack up my desk. My, now, ex-boss asked the VP if that was okay? VP replied with, "yes, that is fine."

As I got ready to make that final drive in, I was surprised that I wasn't sad, upset, angry, no emotion at all. I got to thinking, perhaps I'm in shock. No tears, I texted a few friends and told them what had happened. I even spoke to one, my voice was fine. I wasn't shaking with fear, wasn't talking with tears in my voice, again NADA. My friends were more emotional than I was...

As I got to the building, I called my, now, ex-boss to tell her I was in the lobby of  the building. I didn't dare use my badge for fear it wouldn't work. I didn't want to go there. My ex-boss came down and she asked why I wasn't on vacation. I replied, "I am on vacation." "No, I meant why are you here. I thought you were going out of town." I replied, "Yes, I'm driving out of town tonight." I guess she didn't know what to say, again what can you say. We said nothing else. I realized I wasn't upset with her, either. I wasn't upset with the VP. I understand that this is a company and decisions have to be made. The only thing I was upset about is how I was told. Really, you wait until a person is on vacation! AND, that was the end of my emotional rant.

My ex-boss helped me packed. She was packing in lightening speed. I was like wait, I could miss some stuff. She was putting items that belonged to the company. I said, "let me do it, these don't belong to me." I made sure I left everything that didn't belong to me there. I didn't want any of it.
I finished and left. She didn't walk me out. I appreciated that. I saw a couple of coworkers on my way down the stairs. All were more upset than I was. I was seriously questioning why I wasn't more upset about this. After all, it's right before the holidays. I got a few phone numbers and left. As I walked out of the building, I took a deep breath and said to myself out of the blue, "my nightmare is over." I quickly thought to myself, where did that come from...

As I drove away, I kept thinking why would I say, "my nightmare is over?" Why? Is it because this wasn't the first time I left this company? Here is the back story...

April 2007, I left this same company, but it was my decision. I was beyond stressed and work wasn't fun. It had become a chore and nightmare. The job was affecting my health, too. I remember one Friday night I had plans, but couldn't leave on time, my, then, boss gave me a project that needed to be done that night. She left for the day, but I was stuck completely the project. Well, I finished it two hours later. I was grateful that I knew friends that could help me with information. But, as I walked out of the building, my left arm was numb, my left eye was twitching, my head was ready to explode, and I was experiencing blurred vision. As I sat in my car, I said, "this is just F*CKED UP! It shouldn't be like this." I started to cry. I was beyond miserable. I was making some good money, but couldn't enjoy it. I was spending money just to spend and still wasn't happy. I was always in a bad mood, was gaining weight fast, and nothing was making me happy. I got home and asked, "God, help me make a decision." I woke up and realized, I had to quit this miserable job. I was going to miss the money, but then again I wasn't saving any of it and wasn't happy with it. So the decision was clear, I wrote my resignation letter and turned it in that Monday. Once the boss acknowledged the letter, I felt free and happy.

June 2009, I needed a job. My money had run out. I got a call from a great friend who said, "send me your resume. I found you a job." The job was back in my old company but in a different area and I wasn't a supervisor (my previous position). I said, "OK!" I was excited, because I truly believe this time, things would be different. As I began working there again, I quickly realized that it was still the same but in different area. OMG! But, hey, I needed the work and needed money so whatever issues I had with it, I quickly brushed them aside. I gained weight, didn't hang out with any of my new coworkers, I felt alone and misunderstood. I wasn't happy once again. I made no attempt to look for another position, because I kept hoping things would change. And it did...

March 4, 2011, my nephew, Jordan, is KIA in Afghanistan. Life takes a new turn. I was depressed and angry. It affected my work. It wasn't a good time at work and, frankly, I didn't care. Thinking back, I was so miserable. It took me over a year and half to get back on track. I still mourn my nephew, I will never get over it, but I have learned a few things to move forward...

July 2013, I decided to start practicing Transcendental Meditation. This after over six months of illness (sinus and a pinched nerve on my neck), I knew that I was allowing the misery of work to once again affect my health. I was a miserable person. Doing TM twice a day opened my eyes to a lot of things. My moods were better, I laughed more, I started to read again, I started to really love sports again, I was eating better, still working on exercising consistently,  I started being my old silly self. I was happy! With my new happy self, I was able to accomplish more at work and learn new things. I was open to anything and everything. I realized that I was bored at work, too. I wanted so much more. I realized that I didn't dress like me, either. I looked terrible, it just wasn't me. And I was excited that I took time and paid attention, FINALLY. I love dressing up, wearing make up, perfume, being girly! TM and Jordan's spirit were helping me move forward in a positive way. I knew I had to make changes, soon. I kept doing my job until 11/19/2013 happened...

The company made that decision for me, I am being forced to change NOW. And that is just fine with me. I am happy. I am not stressing over crap I can't control. I'm grateful for a lot in my life. I am going to be just fine. A new adventure is beginning and I welcome it!

My nightmare was indeed over... Thank goodness for department changes... A blessing for sure.









8 comments:

PurpleCar said...

All the best to you, Rosy Blue! I hope 2014 brings you happiness and fulfillment.

BoSoxAmy said...

I love your attitude! I'm glad things are looking up.

Rosyblue said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pecan R. said...

Yea! Close that damn window. It's drafty in here. Let's go through this door over here and see where it leads....
Hey look! Sunshine, air and space! I am sure this is going to be a great new step in your life and I am happy I am going to be able to say, "I knew her when...."

Xavierism said...

I know you'll find a way to make things happen -- it's just the way you are. Wishin' you all the best, Rosy! xo

Rosy said...

Thank you EVERYONE! I know, no wait, I feel that my life has a taken a turn for the better.
Thank you for your comments, so appreciated it!
Life is short, we MUST live it!

Paul said...

I'm glad you are able to move forward and take the next step in your climb towards happiness.

Rosyblue said...

Thank you, Paul!!! :)