Friday, December 6, 2013

"...Because of Department Changes, Your Position Has Been Eliminated..." How I found a blessing behind those words

TGIF, it's 11/15/2013... I was beyond excited. It was my last day before my two week vacation. I had many plans. I even stayed after work to clean up and rearrange my desk. I wanted my space to look pretty. Vacation, here I come. The weekend was awesome, two days of fun and knowing that come Monday no alarm at 4:15 a.m. My vacation is going to be a grand adventure. I just didn't know how big of an adventure it was going to be...

The day was Tuesday, 11/19/2013. At 8:35 a.m., I get a call from my boss and the VP. I knew something had happened and my life would change. Why would these two call me on my vacation? Well, all I hear is, "...Because of Department Changes, Your Position Has Been Eliminated..." Then, I hear, "the company is thankful for all your hard work..." After that, I do not remember the rest of the pre-written speech. Then suddenly there was silence, I simply said, "Okay." Seriously, what could I say, NADA. I asked if I can drive up to return the laptop and pack up my desk. My, now, ex-boss asked the VP if that was okay? VP replied with, "yes, that is fine."

As I got ready to make that final drive in, I was surprised that I wasn't sad, upset, angry, no emotion at all. I got to thinking, perhaps I'm in shock. No tears, I texted a few friends and told them what had happened. I even spoke to one, my voice was fine. I wasn't shaking with fear, wasn't talking with tears in my voice, again NADA. My friends were more emotional than I was...

As I got to the building, I called my, now, ex-boss to tell her I was in the lobby of  the building. I didn't dare use my badge for fear it wouldn't work. I didn't want to go there. My ex-boss came down and she asked why I wasn't on vacation. I replied, "I am on vacation." "No, I meant why are you here. I thought you were going out of town." I replied, "Yes, I'm driving out of town tonight." I guess she didn't know what to say, again what can you say. We said nothing else. I realized I wasn't upset with her, either. I wasn't upset with the VP. I understand that this is a company and decisions have to be made. The only thing I was upset about is how I was told. Really, you wait until a person is on vacation! AND, that was the end of my emotional rant.

My ex-boss helped me packed. She was packing in lightening speed. I was like wait, I could miss some stuff. She was putting items that belonged to the company. I said, "let me do it, these don't belong to me." I made sure I left everything that didn't belong to me there. I didn't want any of it.
I finished and left. She didn't walk me out. I appreciated that. I saw a couple of coworkers on my way down the stairs. All were more upset than I was. I was seriously questioning why I wasn't more upset about this. After all, it's right before the holidays. I got a few phone numbers and left. As I walked out of the building, I took a deep breath and said to myself out of the blue, "my nightmare is over." I quickly thought to myself, where did that come from...

As I drove away, I kept thinking why would I say, "my nightmare is over?" Why? Is it because this wasn't the first time I left this company? Here is the back story...

April 2007, I left this same company, but it was my decision. I was beyond stressed and work wasn't fun. It had become a chore and nightmare. The job was affecting my health, too. I remember one Friday night I had plans, but couldn't leave on time, my, then, boss gave me a project that needed to be done that night. She left for the day, but I was stuck completely the project. Well, I finished it two hours later. I was grateful that I knew friends that could help me with information. But, as I walked out of the building, my left arm was numb, my left eye was twitching, my head was ready to explode, and I was experiencing blurred vision. As I sat in my car, I said, "this is just F*CKED UP! It shouldn't be like this." I started to cry. I was beyond miserable. I was making some good money, but couldn't enjoy it. I was spending money just to spend and still wasn't happy. I was always in a bad mood, was gaining weight fast, and nothing was making me happy. I got home and asked, "God, help me make a decision." I woke up and realized, I had to quit this miserable job. I was going to miss the money, but then again I wasn't saving any of it and wasn't happy with it. So the decision was clear, I wrote my resignation letter and turned it in that Monday. Once the boss acknowledged the letter, I felt free and happy.

June 2009, I needed a job. My money had run out. I got a call from a great friend who said, "send me your resume. I found you a job." The job was back in my old company but in a different area and I wasn't a supervisor (my previous position). I said, "OK!" I was excited, because I truly believe this time, things would be different. As I began working there again, I quickly realized that it was still the same but in different area. OMG! But, hey, I needed the work and needed money so whatever issues I had with it, I quickly brushed them aside. I gained weight, didn't hang out with any of my new coworkers, I felt alone and misunderstood. I wasn't happy once again. I made no attempt to look for another position, because I kept hoping things would change. And it did...

March 4, 2011, my nephew, Jordan, is KIA in Afghanistan. Life takes a new turn. I was depressed and angry. It affected my work. It wasn't a good time at work and, frankly, I didn't care. Thinking back, I was so miserable. It took me over a year and half to get back on track. I still mourn my nephew, I will never get over it, but I have learned a few things to move forward...

July 2013, I decided to start practicing Transcendental Meditation. This after over six months of illness (sinus and a pinched nerve on my neck), I knew that I was allowing the misery of work to once again affect my health. I was a miserable person. Doing TM twice a day opened my eyes to a lot of things. My moods were better, I laughed more, I started to read again, I started to really love sports again, I was eating better, still working on exercising consistently,  I started being my old silly self. I was happy! With my new happy self, I was able to accomplish more at work and learn new things. I was open to anything and everything. I realized that I was bored at work, too. I wanted so much more. I realized that I didn't dress like me, either. I looked terrible, it just wasn't me. And I was excited that I took time and paid attention, FINALLY. I love dressing up, wearing make up, perfume, being girly! TM and Jordan's spirit were helping me move forward in a positive way. I knew I had to make changes, soon. I kept doing my job until 11/19/2013 happened...

The company made that decision for me, I am being forced to change NOW. And that is just fine with me. I am happy. I am not stressing over crap I can't control. I'm grateful for a lot in my life. I am going to be just fine. A new adventure is beginning and I welcome it!

My nightmare was indeed over... Thank goodness for department changes... A blessing for sure.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

One Eye Rosy

There was an organization change at work. No big deal, it happens, I work for a huge company so I understand. I'm learning all sort of new things. That's awesome, keeps my brain flowing.

Almost two weeks ago, daylight savings time kick in. With the organizational and time change, I am  messed up, can't get it together in the mornings. And the funny thing is, I am a morning person. I worry that I'm not catching on as fast as I should, given my experience.

Well, this week took the cake, took it's toll, I drove in to work later than normal and with one eye done. I forgot to apply makeup to my left eye. I didn't even know it. And this after visiting the ladies room several times in the morning. A coworker did ask if I was ok. I think she must have looked at my face and realized something was off. I took a break and went to my car. Before leaving my car, I check my hair and realized, OMG, no make up on the right eye. I quickly went to my desk and pulled out my purse from the drawer. I opened it, only to realize I forgot my makeup bag at home. I sat there and LAUGHED. Why not, I was One Eye Rosy. Goodness, life always finds a way of telling me, "see slow down, it will be just fine."

As I drove home, I started to laugh. Why not, just another crazy adventure for me. Ha-ha!!!

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

The Evil Drink

I'm BACK!!!!!!!!!!!

I started writing this post several months ago. I haven't been in the writing mood for awhile. Work and personal life have sucked the energy out of it. I allowed it, plain and simple. TRUTH!!!

With that said, I have a confession...sigh! It might make you sick to the stomach. Ok, here goes: I'm addicted to DIET COKE! Did you hear the music of guilt? I know, it's bad. I repeat I know it's BAD! I know everything about it is bad. BUT, how I love the burn!

Now that I have spilled the beans about my darn habit, I decided to make a huge change! The Tuesday, a day before Lent (yes, I'm catholic)- the question came up, "what are you going to give up for Lent?" I pondered the question. Most people would say, "I'm going to work on myself -like having more patience, being less judgmental, etc." ME, I try to do those things everyday. So for me, I decided to give up a specific food or drink that has been a thorn on my side for years. A specific food or drink that is just sabotaging my overall wellness - Diet Coke!

This year, I decided this is it. My approach is a bit different. I just stopped cold turkey on Ash Wednesday.
Today is March 6, 2013- NO DIET COKE!  So far, I have discovered that I'm drinking less coffee and more water. I'm not going to bash myself anymore, historically that leads to failure. All I know like everything else, I need to work at it, EVERYDAY!

Next step, I need to work on a consistent exercise program... I'm done for now. Till next time, Cheers to Great Health!